In this episode of Tweak and Geek, we pitch sci-fi shows for the new season and take a listen to blogthereligions.com
Tweak and Geek presents: The best SciFi series pilots that you’ll never actually see
Craig – “2012″
On a mining ship in the near future (2012), the crew, while mining an asteroid in the Asteroid Belt, finds a pocket of a mineral that, when a human is exposed to it, causes a massive buildup of energy in them that gradually increases until the person dies a gory and explosive death and the chemical is contagious. However, in a weird twist of coincidence the coming of this event is the 2012 “thing” predicted by the Mayans. It turns out that the only way to counteract the effect is to use an artifact found in an ancient Mayan pyramid that dissipates the energy by granting any wish that the user has. A shadowy New Zealand corporation begins mass producing these devices. The show will revolve around a secret, Knights Templar-like Mexican secret society that goes around trying to stop people from making stupid wishes that will destroy the world.
Luckily most people are retarded and wish for stupid crap like a bonnet for their kitten or another pack of cigarettes. Why no one ever thinks to wish for the reversal of this effect is evidence that the show will have bad writing.
Pat – “Unnamed”
Teenagers are disappearing across America. This disappearance is linked to a MASSIVELY MULTIPLAYER ONLINE GAME. At the end of season 1, we learn that the game is being run by Cthulhu and the other minions of R’lyeh. But in season 2, we learn that it’s really the result of a reality TV contest that has just corrupted the game. And then we learn that it’s THIS TV show doing it, kind of like The Ring. Only in the very last episode, it’s revealed that this entire series has been a hoax, and it’s really the evil, soulless orphans that have been consuming teenagers.
Mike – “Spaceportal”
In the two-hour pilot episode, a bunch of archeologists dig up an ancient square-shaped device from some Mayan ruins. A top-secret government agency, with the help of Pat Ferland, Nerd Extraordinaire, is able to decipher the mysterious glyphs on the device and activate it. Turns out, the device is a spaceportal, securing one end of a wormhole that leads somewhere else in the galaxy. A crack team of Navy Seals led by General Craig Bossie and Pat go through the spaceportal and find themselves on an Earth-like planet amid what appears to be modern-day Mayan structures. The team discovers that an alien race has enslaved the local Mayans, much like was done in early Earth history. Pat meets a local Mayan, Luah-Ri, and falls in love. A battle for the slave’s freedom ensues and after our protagonists win, Pat decides to stay on the distant planet to be with Luah-Ri. The way I see it, this show will be so good, it will probably spin off a couple of other shows.
Laurie – “Dream Police”
Yes, the Cheap Trick song would be the theme song.
A college senior, the protagonist – Fiona is trying to balance her social life, difficult course-load as a chemistry major and new skill at being brought to crime scenes in her sleep!(?) Like Alias and Buffy there will be a certain juxtaposition of a normal person trying to lead a normal life and these completely unbelievable circumstances and awesome responsibilities. When she sleeps, Fiona has extremely vivid dreams where she sees crimes being committed. Sometimes these crimes are in the past, present or future – there is no boundary, but they always seem to occur within driving distance for her. Perhaps we can save a trans-continental crime for Sweeps?
It’s not just that Fiona is seeing the crime – the criminals see her, too! She’s even wearing her pajamas! I can already see the hilarity that will ensue when Fiona falls asleep after a Halloween party in her costume and she watches a priceless work of art be stolen from a museum while she is wearing a hamburger costume – all caught on surveillance tape! With the help of her friend Reagan, a physics major intensely interested in the phenomenon of astral projection, and the reticent assistance of family friend Detective Dirk Hailey, Fiona tries to right past wrongs, prevent innocents from being hurt, bringing the guilty to justice, and saving the future. All while memorizing the possible physical organic reactions that can occur on her exams.
Lame: Craig, not his show. Craig himself.
Good: Dream Police
Weird: Pat’s mom
Original: DUH, Space Portal!
Blog of the religions: Here’s what we learned
Craig: Overall, the inteviews seemed impartial and professional. I was glad that there wasn’t even the slightest hint of condescention. The podcasts all seem to be in the same format, and he is pretty fair by asking all the people basically the same questions. He gives the same treatment to all the interviewees, although it’s pretty certain he thinks they’re full of crap. From what I listened to, it seemed that most of the people he interviewed were pretty reasonable, and they were basically not proselytizing. The format was fun, but the audio was generally somewhat poor. I thought the word association game was fun, but the answers weren’t generally very interesting. I think that most of what I heard was interviews with people who used to be Roman Catholic.
Jehovah’s Witness- They seem pretty reasonable. The elders were pretty good sports.
Hare Krishna – Doesn’t seem as crazy as you would think. Actually sounded somewhat Buddhist and peaceful and really in to it.
Southern Baptist – Also not as crazy. But not outstanding. Pretty boilerplate Christian. Not very humble.
St. Pete’s Atheist Free Thought Group – The atheists seemed a little self-important and overly dramatic.
Church of Satan – Very interesting. An atheist group; based on peoples’ need for ritual. Don’t actually worship Satan. It’s pretty much false advertising. Was a very illuminating interview!
People’s Spiritualism Church – The lady he interviewed was a total flake. I couldn’t really figure out what was going on.
Pat: The Wicca episode was nowhere near as interesting as it ought to have been. The beginning consisted of several restatements of “Wow, if you had to complain to shut down my religion, yours must suck.” I was disappointed and stopped listening. It doesn’t help that the Wiccan interviewed no longer had a coven to practice with.
Mike: Frigging Craig couldn’t stick to just one (as always!) and stole mine! I listened to Jehovah’s Witnesses (I even told him about it, too!).
OK, the JWs appear much more docile than I imagined. As the host mentioned, they — like many Christians he’s interviewed — are nice people who are trying to do the right thing. Like many religions, the JWs faith is the only one that “follows the bible to the letter”. When asked about how literal they take the bible, the JWs replied that every word is accurate, although some people mis-interpret things like “created the Earth and the Heavens in seven days”. No where does it say seven twenty-four hour days. JWs don’t believe in Hell or Purgatory (not in the bible!); instead you pay for your sins (everybody does it) through death. Upon death you are unconscious (not in limbo or anything) and after Armageddon God (Jehovah, by name) will resurrect a predetermined number of people to live on a perfected Earth with him. They feel the door-to-door stuff is their responsibility and they understand some people don’t like it, and that’s OK.
Laurie: Listened to – Baha’i Faith. This podcast episode was kind of long and was a different format that many of the other podcasts in that most of the audio was recorded during an introductory session hosted by a representative of the group. I chose this because I remember fliers for the Baha’i group in college and recently Office actor Rainn Wilson has been speaking out about how Baha’i followers are being treated in Iran.
The overall message of the Baha’i is that there is one God, who loves us all and that most of the other monotheistic religions are right. They strive to unify all religions, peoples, as one human race. They believe that being in the world and doing good is the way to practice (i.e. they are not ascetic). And apparently, they are also good cooks. I wish John had been able to edit the long talk and maybe have also talked one-on-one with Trish to include some of his more repeated questions and interview tactics. But he did ask a lot of questions during the session and broke in to read the passages being read aloud so they would be clearer for the listener of the podcast to hear.
Spider Bugs Pope in Prague
A spider crawled on the pope during a speech in Prague on Saturday during a speech:
* Pope didn’t notice it, but he did swat at it (video, you can see him starting to swat)
* The audience was noticeably disturbed
* The spider was hanging by a web as he processed out.
* Compared to the famous Obama fly-swatting incident.
Someone made a Facebook poll about assassinating Obama. That’s just…. retarded. The Secret Service will be paying that guy a visit, I think.
Someone tries to claim business-use tax breaks. Apple doesn’t bite.
Did you register No Naked Dogs dot com?
Is it available?
Email thread Sept 16
So I’m on Amazon (looking at a great album by Kevin Gallagher, a very talented classical guitarist that I must hate forever) and I see this ad for worldvision.org where you can sponser livestock for people in other countries. On the add (next to a picture of a happy little boy clutching a goat) they have the following quote:
“My very own goat saved the family from hunger.”
– Thabani, Age 11
An orphan in Zimbabwe
And my first thought is: “WHAT family? You’re an orphan!”
Reply from Craig
I also just thought about this… my mother is an orphan!
Re-Reply from Bill
Hey, so’s mine! You’re right, orphans suck!